My Gift to You

So, we’re all aware that US celebrities do commercials (ahem, adverts) in other countries to make some dough without hurting their Hollywood reputations. (Anyone ever see that Conan Bud Light commercial?) One of my favorite—while also cringe-inducing—things about living here is that we’re privy to some of these, er, indiscretions. It’s hilarious. It’s also terrible, a little, because these people take so much money I’m sure, and well, let’s just say they’re not exactly bringing their A game. I present to you, here, three currently on television every four seconds, in descending order of barely acceptable to utterly heinous.

1) Clooney for Nespresso. George is doing OK here. He’s not totally embarrassing himself, and—granted—Nespresso is a MUCH bigger deal in Europe than in the US. But as far as I can tell, it’s still instant coffee we’re talking about here, my friends.

2) Brad for Chanel. Then we have Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad. Dear Brad. Who the hell talked you into this? I gather this one is also airing in the US from my YouTubeing this morning, which makes this more horrifying I think. He doesn’t even have the excuse that this was only in other countries? This has been in every duty-free shop in every airport I’ve been in for the past six months and it is basically the MERMAN ad from Zoolander. Moisture is the essence of wetness, y’all. Compare and contrast, if you will.

3) Scarlett for D&G. And Scarlett. Please tell me this is not on in the US. This is halfway to making me lose ALL respect for her. “I’m not looking for a million things. TEE-HEE.” To use a phrase I have not used since 8th grade: Gag me with a spoon. Isn’t she better than this?

(And for anyone who missed that Conan Bud Light ad…watch now and get “vroom, vroom party starter” into your vocabulary as soon as possible. Your life will improve.)

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